Having been at college for a little while now (ninety days is a standard trial period, I think), and having met a lot of very different people here, I’ve become rather confused as to who I am and ought to be. In the past, I’ve played a variety of different characters, some less pleasant than others. Yet I’m not sure I’ve ever truly been myself, and this probably because I’m not sure I actually know myself.
Many times, people have described me. I’ve been a learner, an artist, a philosopher, a behind-the-scenes person, a leader, a follower, a friend, an enemy, an accomplice, and a host of other things. I’ve been secretive. I’ve been honest. Never have I really been a distinct individual, though. Some would say it’s just a normal teenager thing, but I have plenty of friends who have very distinct, individual personalities, and not just in a superficial way.
But how does someone know who they really are, and how does one develop as an individual? I could be a quiet purveyor of brilliantly profound one-liners who benevolently and enigmatically directs people and situations with deep wisdom. I could be an outgoing, sociable person who everyone loves and enjoys, and who in some way is in constant influence and is connected to the people around him. I could really be any personality I want to be, if I set my mind to it.
Then there’s the issue that I’m really a different person in different circumstances. I shift from life-of-the-party socialite to sober-minded counselor and back again in the blink of an eye. I change perspectives so often that I really can’t be fit into any one box. There is no single, finite personality that is right for every situation, and consequently I try in every situation to become the right personality for it. I am thoroughly a chameleon, adapting and changing my appearance in every situation. The trouble is, I’m so good at blending in that I can’t really discern what I look like.
What defines a person? What is the source of a personality? How am I supposed to find myself amidst the chaos of a thousand other students and an endless supply of changing situations?
Life is so confusing…
Recent Comments